Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Observing that which is Apparent in Marriage
Niqabi

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

While explaining the hadeeth of Fatimah bint Qaes (may Allah be pleased with her); in which she approached the Prophet  صلى الله عليه و سلم and informed him that individuals have approached her for marriage, upon hearing the names of these individuals the Prophetصلى الله عليه و سلم  replied:

As for Abu Jahil, he does not remove the stick from his shoulder (he beats women), and as for Mu’awiyah, he is poor. Instead, marry Usamah. (Saheeh Muslim)


Sheikh ‘Uthaymeen commented (in summary):

If it were said: How can the Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم   say: “As for Mu’awiyah, he is poor”, while he (the Prophet) doesn’t know? It’s possible he (Mu’awiyah) will become wealthy (in the future). And actually, this did take place. Mu’awiyah became a ruler; in fact he became one of the wealthiest rulers.

Thus, we say: From this hadeeth a vital benefit can be derived, which is: That which should be considered is what is apparent, not what will possibly occur in the future. Pay close attention to this principle. An individual is not commissioned to (consider) matters of the unseen, but rather, he is responsible for that which is in front of him.

Consequently, we know the answer for a commonly mentioned question (issue). This occurs when a man who is not practicing seeks to marry a practicing female. The female would like to marry him and thus she says: It’s possible that Allah will guide this man by way of me. This action (him changing) may or may not occur in the future. She does not know, but that which is presently apparent is that this individual is not practicing. If the female was to say: It is possible that Allah will guide him by way of me, we will respond: It is (also) possible that Allah will lead you astray by way of him! Both of these outcomes are possible, and you (the female) being led astray by way of the man is more likely, due to the fact that the authority and influence of the man over the woman is much greater than her authority and influence over him. Likewise, how many men put pressure on their wives to perform something that the husband wants, and due to his pressure, the female falls into something she herself dislikes. This is something which is known and proven. The most important benefit in this issue is that a person is responsible for that which is apparent, not that which will may or may not occur in the future.

Source: Fathul Thee Jalalee wal Ikram bi Sharh Bulough al Maram vol. 11, pg. 201


Translator’s note:

May Allah have mercy upon our beloved Sheikh and father Sheikh Muhammad bin Saleh al ‘Uthaymeen. Indeed his statements and clarifications are filled with wisdom and sound understanding. The advice of the Sheikh can also be applied to the common day belief of many sisters (when approached for marriage by individuals not upon the methodology of the Salaf): I know he’s not Salafi, but ان شاء الله  he will come to the minhaj through my guidance and direction! Then after a few months, we find the sister attending the gatherings of the people of innovation and those supporting them! We have even witnessed sisters falling into major shirk, innovation, and defending the callers to hizbiyah due to being married to individuals not upon the methodology of the Salaf. Similarly is the statement of some females, when approached for marriage by an individual who has a proven reputation of mistreatment of women, you find some women saying: I will be the one to change him! Or: He will never treat me the way he treated others! These spurious statements and the likes are clear examples of how females place themselves in dreadful predicaments as it relates to marriages.
May Allah guide our women to that which is better, and may He keep us all firm upon the straight path.
 
Mustafa George DeBerry @http://knowledgeofislamblog.wordpress.com
Riyadh, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia
17th of Dhil Hijjah | Oct. 22, 2013

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Woe to Every Unjust Husband
Niqabi


Taken from Sheikh Uthamin’s tafsir of Sura Al Mutaffiffun (chapter 83)

Allah says what can be translated as:

1) Woe to Al Mutaffififun (those who give less in measure and weight)  
2) Those who when they have to receive by measure from men demand full measure  
3) And when they have to give by measure or weight to men give less than due  
4) Do they not think that they will be resurrected (for reckoning)  
5) On a great day 6 The day when (all) mankind will stand before the Lord of the Alamin (all that exits)

Sheikh Uthamin said concerning the explanation of Chapter Al-Mutaffinfin (Woe) The word woe is repeated in the Quran many times and according to what is most correct it is a statement of threat by which Allah threatens those whom oppose His command or indulge in what He has prohibited them from.

And the prohibition is mentioned in the sentence following the threat. Therefore in this case Allah the Exalted says woe be to Al Mutaffififun

So who are these Al Mutaffififun?

These Al Mutaffififun are explained in the next verse He said :

(Those who when they have to receive by measure from men demand full measure)
(And when they have to give by measure or weight to men they give less than what is due)
(Those who when they have to receive by measure from men demand full measure)

Meaning when they buy from the people that which is weighed they demand from the people their rights in full without any deficiency (And when they have to give by measure or weight to men they give less than what is due) But if they are weighing or they are the ones selling the weighed meat or selling something which is measured they give a weight that is deficient (they give less than what is due) Therefore they demand their rights in full and they are deficient in giving others their rights So they combined two affairs they combine greed and stinginess. Greed in demanding his rights in full without any leniency or forgiveness and stinginess because he does not give the full weight that is incumbent upon him. This example that Allah the Exalted mentions concerning the weigh and measure is just an example therefore it also applies to everything which is similar to this. Therefore everyone who demands their rights in full when they are due to receive rights but they don’t give full rights when the rights are due from them then they are included in these noble verses.

An example of this is the husband who wants from his wife that she gives him all of his rights in full and he is not lenient in any of his rights. But when it is time to give his wife her rights then he is lackadaisical and he does not give her that which is due her. And there are so many complaints from the women about this type of husband. And with Allah refuge is sought.

To the extent that many of the husbands want from their wives that they give them all of their rights but they don’t give their wives all of their rights and possibility the husbands will fall short in giving their wives most of the basic rights such as spending on them and living with them in kindness and other than that.

Verily oppressing another person is more severe than a person oppressing himself concerning the rights of Allah because the person oppressing himself concerning the rights of Allah is beneath the will of Allah if it is a sin other that shirk. If Allah wants to He will forgive the person and if He wants to He will punish the person. But in regards to the rights of the people there has to be compensation given. And for this reason the Prophet peace and blessing are upon him said (to his companions) who do you consider to be the bankrupt person. They said the one from us who does not have any currency or any possessions.

He (the Prophet peace and blessings are upon him) said Verily the bankrupt person from my nation is the one who will come on the Day of Judgment with good deeds the size of a mountain (meaning a lot of good deeds). So he will come with these good deeds but he has oppressed this person and he abused this person and he hit this person and he took the wealth from this person. Therefore this person he oppressed will take from his good deeds and that person will take from his good deeds and this person will take from his good deeds and if his good deeds run out before he repays that which he owes then he will be given the sins of those he wronged and their sins will be flung on top of him and then he will be flung into the fire.

So my advice to those who are lackadaisical or negligent concerning the rights of there spouses is that they fear Allah the Mighty and Majestic because the Prophet peace and blessings are upon him advised with this during the biggest gathering that the Islamic world witnessed during the lifetime of the Messenger of Allah peace and blessings are upon him on the day of Arafat during the farewell pilgrimage.

He said fear Allah concerning the women because verily you took them as a trust from Allah and you have been permitted to have intimate relationships with them by the word of Allah.

Also you will find that some of the parents desire for their children to give them all of their rights in a perfect manner. So they want for their children to honor them and give them their rights and to give them money and to give physical help and everything type of honor possible but he is neglectful concerning his children and he does not give his children their rights. We say that this person is Al Mutaf (those who give less in measure and weight) That father who wants for his children to honor him to the maximum all the while he is neglectful concerning their rights we say to him you are Al Mutaf (those who give less in measure and weight).

We say to him remember the statement of Allah the Exalted (what can be translated as)

1) Woe to Al Mutaffififun (those who give less in measure and weight)  
2) Those who when they have to receive by measure from men demand full measure  
3) And when they have to give by measure or weight to men give less than due

Translated by Rasheed Barbee
The following is a summary translation taken from www.ibnothaimeen.com
http://mtws.posthaven.com/woe-to-every-unjust-husband

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Disciplining the Soul by Ib al-Jawzi
Niqabi
Section One: Act which lead the Wives Astray


A husband should not joke with his wife often, so that she does not belittle him and hence become disobedient. Moreover he should not place all his money in her hands, so that he is not placed under her control as she could take his money and leave him. Allah, May He be exalted, said,



وَلاَ تُؤْتُوا السُّفَهَاءَ أَمْوَالَكُمُ الَتِي جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ قِيَاماً


“And give not to the foolish your money which Allah has made a means of support for you.” [al-Nisa’ 4:5]


Rather he should joke with her, while maintaining his prestige and status.


Section Two: How to discipline a Spouse


The best way to discipline a woman is by preventing her from speaking with other women (who are not righteous, who possess evil traits and morals) and from leaving the house (unnecessarily). Further, and elderly woman should be assigned to discipline her, teaching her how to respect her husband, informing her of the rights of a husband, also to dignify in her eyes he who spends moderately, and act as her preserver for the insanity of a youth is dangerous.


Section Three: Marrying concurrent to One’s Age


If an aged man marries a woman who is not a young immature girl, nor an old feeble woman, then that would be better for him as she would be less arrogant and more respectful towards him.


Section Four: Needs of a Young Man


A young man demands what he wants, he cannot be enforced to do what he does not like, therefore if he wants to enjoy women then it is a choice he can take i.e. he could buy young slaves girls, if he is able to. This is because young (slave) women do not have jealousy or, at least, they do not possess it excessively, because they are owned and because of their owner’s ability to replace them and sell them. He, however should assign a keeper to monitor them and also have another keeper to observe the already assigned keeper.


Section Five: Being Content with what one has


If a man is granted a woman who is exactly everything he desired, he should forget what he missed for the sake of what he has, because branches are never mentioned when origins and roots are preserved, also having an excessive amount of women requires a lot, the least of which is taking care of them.


From the Book: “Disciplining the Soul” Ibn al-Jawzi (d. 597 AH)
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Husbands must beautify themselves for their Wives
Niqabi
Allah says:
“And the women have the same rights as those that are over them from what is reasonable.”
[Sooratul-Baqarah 2: 228]
Al-Haafidh Ibn Katheer in his explanation of this verse said:
“It means that they have rights over the men similar to the rights that the men have over them. So giving each other their mutual rights is obligatory from what is reasonable…
Wakee’ said on the authority Basheer ibn Sulaymaan, on the authority of ‘Ikramah, on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas who said:
“Verily I love to beautify myself for my wife  just as I love my wife to beautify themselves for me because Allah says:
“And the women have the same rights as those that are over them from what is reasonable.”
[Sooratul-Baqarah 2: 228]
If a man beautifies himself, it helps the woman in lowering her gaze and it helps to bring the hearts close together.
Some men go to their wives and they are unkempt, dirty, and foul smelling. He bathes and perfumes himself to go out with his friends, but when he returns he is as I mentioned earlier which causes dislike in the heart and disgust in the soul.
Just as you ask your wife, when she is in front of you, to be beautiful looking and pleasant smelling, she also asks this of you. She has feelings just as you do, and she has senses just as you do. Men, fear Allah in yourselves and in your women.”
Helping her with housework 
‘Aa’ishah (radiallaahu anha) was asked, “What does the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) do with his family?” She said: “He was busy with his family until it was time to pray and then he prayed.” [Saheeh al-Bukhari]
On the authority of al-Qaasim, on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah (radiallaahu ‘anhaa) that he asked, “What did he Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) do in his house?” She said: “He was a man among men, he cleaned his garment, he milked his sheep and he served himself.” [Ahmad with an authentic chain]
On the authority of ‘Urwah ibn az-Zubayr, on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah (radiallaahu ‘anhaa) that he asked, “What did the Messenger of Allah  (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) do in his house?” She said: “He mended his garment, patched his shoes and he did in his house what men do in their houses.” [Ahmad with an authentic chain]
The female student of Islamic knowledge especially needs her husband’s help in raising the children and caring for them, in order for her to study from the Qur’an and Sunnah what is needed for her to practice her religion and assist her in bringing up her children in a proper and sound way. We ask Allah to guide our men.
Source: Umm Salamah as-Salafiyyah – Excerpt from her book: Supporting the Rights of Believing Women
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